They say your computer is only as intelligent as you make it. If that’s the case mine must think cheese is a fruit and have a lifetime goal of being on “Take me out”.
I think it’s regrettable being a technophobe. I’m not proud of it because I’m female and can’t stand this sickening teenage girl image of “Oh Donald do take a look at my PC. There seems to be a problem with it though you probably won’t find it because I massacred the motherboard inside so I had an excuse to invite you round and look ditzy while I bat my eyelashes.” JUST NO. These people…. The trouble is I don’t understand my computer. I tried hiding it but it’s become difficult since my mouse cursor had offspring who now laggily follow her around in a blurry line whenever she moves.
It’s like there’s a little arsehole living in my computer box that trolls me specifically when my parents are in the room…
The computer troll comes every time I try and watch TV online like any other normal person. We’ve just got Netflix now (I know about 3 years after everyone else got it…) but before that it was the shady online viewing business. Which as it sounds was a complete train wreck for people like us fools who just do not have the patience or the skills to be able to cope with this. I attempted to watch Modern Family online. Never since, have I tried anything of the sort again. Noobs beware- it’s a scary place!
I’d found a website which looked pretty safe and you didn’t have to download anything. “Let’s conquer this fear of downloading random rubbish I thought”. So naively clicked “Watch now” and of course all hell broke loose.
In an eruption of tabs, pages and pages of advertising sprung up out of Pandora’s Box. The shock of the noise blaring out of the speakers threw me back in my chair. I’d like to think I handled it well.
but I’m pretty sure my reaction was along the lines of…
They all had audio YouTube clips attached which all starting talking at once like a debate for which product was the best. “Colgate ultra-fresh leaves your teeth feeling minty clean.” “My cat loves Iams and I love my ca- YOU’RE SO MONEY SUPERMARKET YOU DON’T EVEN-Game of Thrones DVD box set £11.99 to purchase click on thi-Do your genitals look different?”
In this audio disaster it didn’t occur to mute the sound to be embarrassingly honest. So I attacked back, closing down all of the pages to leave blissful silence. I sat shaking in the office chair. The computer troll can’t defeat me. So I had one last go of trying to watch the episode. To cut a long story shorter it resulted in (to my utter panic) an Asian dating website popping up, alongside what I could only describe as a page of naked women. It seemed ironically beautiful that at this moment a children’s game opened itself and to choose a character asked “Are you a boy or a girl?”
My mum chose this moment to walk in.
PS. sorry this is reblogged again ironically I accidentally deleted it when trying to edit… I know I know….